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02
Nov/2009

I'm too good for this world
Sometimes i'm wondering:

When will i ever learn ?
Why am i doing this ?
How can it be, that I'm ALWAYS help others ... but deny my own problems ?

For exsample at the moment:
I lost my bank account, need to run after my monthly money and haven't seen my friends in two or three months ('cuz the money-shortage) ...

But NOOOOO, I help another friend of mine getting sorted with her problems ...

All in all it's not only disturbing, but outright annoying !
It doesn't matter how often I offer some solution ... She knows better ...
No matter how unworkablle her ways are ... She knows better ...
Regardless how strong my need for somekind of break ... I'm still helping

And then she starts whining about how weak she is and how she can't go on ...
WTF ! She KNOWS about my situation too ... but i'm still there ...
Damn why bother help those ... super-annoying people, I call friend(s) ...

I think there are two reasons for that:
First: I like helping and being there for my friends
Second: It's me ... and I won't change myself anymore (at least not that much)

Well anyway, some lessons I learned in life are:

- When you think you lost all power to do anything, you gain a powersurge from some unknown place deep inside ...

- The own cross to carry is ALWAYS the heaviest ...

- If you give up on yourself, you have lost ...

And I question myself always why I'm helping, if those few and simple things are totaly and utterly denied ...
At and this point I end up with the conclusion that forms the title of this written nonsense:

I'm TOO good for this world !


EDIT: Wow, I must be really worn ... it's more of a rant then I intended.

Tags: Good World

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